The Spirit of Amnon

Children acquire patterns of behavior and attitudes from their parents—some good and some destructive. And since that invariable happens, the faults and failings of parents are prone to show up in their children. Whether they do or not, children will be affected by them in one way or another. This is illustrated in the life of David as his son, Amnon, gravitates to his father’s worst faults.

David had received judgments from God for his sin, though he had been forgiven. The prophet Nathan said, “…the sword will never depart from your house” (2 Samuel 12:10). David had already seen this in the death of his child from Bathsheba. The principle of sowing and reaping was clearly demonstrated in David’s family (Galatians 6:8).

Amnon is David’s eldest son; he is the most obvious candidate to inherit David’s throne. Amnon said that he loved his sister, Tamar, and wanted her. “Loved” was Amnon’s word for what he felt toward Tamar, but he was deluded; there was no love for his sister, only incestuous lust. He did not love her but only wanted to exploit her for his gratification. His desire grew stronger. He was consumed by frustration, so Amnon devised a plan to manipulate everyone involved and find a way to be alone with Tamar.

Amnon had never been taught any restraint, nor had he been taught right from wrong. When parents refuse to restrain their sons and daughters, they are creating in them the spirit of Amnon. When parents do not teach right from wrong, they are sowing the seeds of destruction.

Amnon manipulated his father into allowing his sister to come to his house and cook for him. He planned to rape her. His father was complicit since he was so disconnected from his son.

Tamar was unaware of what was going on in Amnon’s mind. When Amnon commanded her to come to bed with him, she protested, “Don’t do it, Amnon.” It is wicked! It is wrong, Amnon! Think about the effect on me! What will be the impact on you? You will erase your reputation in one day, and you will be known as a fool.”

What is so shocking is that as soon as Amnon had his gratification, he hated her more than he loved her (2 Samuel 13:15). Amnon’s “love” suddenly became hate through the sexual violation.  The selfishness of his violation of Tamar had revealed his delusion that he “loved” her. He could not bear to have her in his presence any longer. To see her was to see his own shame and guilt. He commanded a servant to cast her out and bolt the door.

Can you imagine how hard this must have been for the servant to put the king’s daughter outside against her will? What a terrible position to put this servant in the middle of this horrible mess.

A daughter needs her father’s protection and affirmation. It was missing in Tamar’s life. David was passive in his relationships with his children, giving them everything they wanted but not everything they needed. It is clear that he failed to provide protection and affirmation to Tamar, and he also did not offer guidance and direction to his sons.

This was a terrible thing that happened—a brother raped his sister, and all David does is get mad (2 Samuel 13:21). He doesn’t comfort Tamar, he doesn’t discipline Amnon. He doesn’t even talk to him. This is part of the reason that Absalom gets so angry and waits for an opportunity to kill his brother, because this situation was ignored.

Fathers and mothers, if you care for your children, then guard your own integrity. Look at how the sinfulness of David seems to have produced a weakness in him. It has left him powerless to refrain his sons from their evil choices.

Parents, you are not being a good parent when you give your child everything they want. You think you are, but you are not. Your child needs to understand that you are the parent and hold authority. Sometimes you will say yes, and sometimes you will say no. If you let the child decide what you are doing or not doing, you will only be creating the spirit of Amnon. You don’t have to be mean; in fact, you should always be loving and kind, but you should be in control of your children when you are raising them.

Restoration of the Soul

Though God created the world and all of humanity, it has been distorted by sin in the same way that David’s life became distorted. However, because David allowed the Word of God to humble him, and he repented of his sin, God took his sin away; that did not, however, remove the consequences of his sin. Nonetheless, God restored David’s soul, and his joy returned.

The first terrible consequence of what David had done was that the child born from his adultery would die (2 Samuel 12:14). David was a changed man, and his behavior demonstrated that change. The impact of the word of the Lord that Nathan had spoken to him, David’s repentance, and God’s forgiveness brought the change. “David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground” (2 Samuel 12:16). The man who had no need to talk to God finally sought God on behalf of the newly born child.

David knew that the child’s sickness was his fault.  David knew that his son’s sickness had to do with God’s disapproval of what he had done. David prayed, “Have mercy on me, Lord, and so have mercy on the child.” Even though God had promised to hang a sword over David’s house, David still found God approachable. On the contrary, the grace of God that “put away” David’s sin gave David the confidence to seek him. When we go through a trial, it should not make us turn away from God but to him. David fasted and prayed for the child for a week. However, after the child died, he resumed his everyday life. This puzzled everyone.

David believed that God was in charge, even though he did not understand everything he did. David explained his behavior: “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:22-23).

David did not know what God, in his kindness, might do. As far as he knew, the Lord may have permitted the child to live. David had experienced God’s grace, and that is what he sought.

David prayed because God had been gracious to him, but not because he knew in this matter whether God would or would not grant his request.” This is a prayer to the Almighty, seeking mercy, yet knowing that whatever God does will be the best. This is the part that is so difficult for us to believe. As Jesus taught us, “Thy Will Be Done!” David’s acceptance of his child’s death indicates contentment with God’s wisdom and trust in His goodness.

David’s restoration as a man and as king was remarkable. It was not perfect, and it was not complete. But it was enough to point us to the kingdom of God in which all things will be put back in their proper order. At the very heart of the restoration of all things is the forgiveness of sins. The Lord Jesus Christ restores people who come to him, just as he will one day gloriously restore all things. Paul wrote: “in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Colossians 1:14).

People need Jesus more than they need anything else. They need forgiveness for their sins, they need relief from their shame and guilt, and rest from their labor. Jesus brings that. The problems people face often exceed their ability to solve. The reason is that we cannot straighten out what is broken—only God can do that. Jesus invited us to come and find the restorations we need: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). When we humble ourselves, God does his work of grace in our lives.