What Kids Learn From Their Dads

One of the most important things children can learn from their fathers is to love their mother. Just think about it for a moment; which home would you like to grow up in--one where your father criticizes and ridicules your mother, sending her into depression and resentment or one where your father praises and affirms your mother, causing her to flourish? The difference between the two homes is night and day.

Solomon said of the virtuous wife and mother, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…” (Proverbs 31:28). This woman is described as smart, beautiful, hardworking, kind and strong. She is comfortable being a woman, brings delight to the home, and her husband cherishes her.

Men, I would like to address you for a few moments. The word “husband” is related to the word “husbandry,” which denotes cultivation. A good husband cultivates positive qualities in his wife by praising her. He does this freely and in the company of his children. He doesn’t browbeat his wife or put her down with insults and hurtful remarks. That’s not a strong husband—that is a petty man. This is a beautiful picture of genuine praise. What a difference there is in the home where the man sets the tone by literally affirming his wife with spontaneous praise. This wife and mother blossoms in this environment, and this man and his family are the richer for it.

Dads, our children will learn and imitate the role of husband and father we portray. Never think that your silence or resentment against your wife will not affect your children. It will in so many ways, but here is the good news—so will your praise of your wife and family. Not only will this attitude transform your home, but it will also prepare your sons and daughters for their future roles as spouses and parents.

Perhaps you grew up in a home where your father didn’t praise your mother. In fact, he put her down, and you find yourself doing the same thing. You can change that. You can stop that cycle. You can start a new trend in your family. Maybe your family wasn’t very affectionate and didn’t affirm each other openly. Don’t let that stop you from doing what you need to do today. Stop blaming your past. Look at your wife and your kids as your greatest treasure on this earth and praise them. Make them feel as if your home is a castle and they are royalty.

As a counselor, I meet with families each week, and I have observed a few things. We all have set patterns of thinking and behaving. Many of those patterns are negative and counter-productive. Whatever patterns we have formed in our lives we hold on to dearly. Change comes hard for people. Men, this pattern of praising your wife is worth attaining—no matter how hard it is to implement. Do whatever is necessary to learn it. Make whatever changes are needed. Go to counseling. Find out why you are the way you are. Once you have experienced what it is like to have a home filled with praise and affirmation as opposed to negativism, you will never go back. Praise inspires, encourages and motivates growth and industry, while criticism and ridicule squelch growth and diminish confidence. My prayer for your home is that it will be like this:

Proverbs 31:28

“Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:”