What Every Child Needs to See

There is no such thing as the perfect family. All families have problems and have to deal with conflict because we are flawed human beings. However, the way families deal with conflict impacts every child in a way that affects the rest of their life. Those children that see conflict on a regular basis, such as mom and dad fighting, or mom and daughter yelling, or father and son in contest of who wins, are placed in a precarious situation. If they don’t see some resolution to the conflict, they will begin to internalize the negative emotions and maybe later act them out. What is so needed for these children is for the mom and dad to call everyone together and talk the conflict out and bring resolution for the entire family to see.

When children grow up in a family where the mom and dad talk things out and handle conflict in a calm, resolute way, the children learn how to handle their emotions. When they hear apologies and see firsthand mom or dad say they’re sorry and ask forgiveness, they learn how to do that. This is a vital skill that will be needed later in life and is so essential to building meaningful relationships. We aren’t capable of living perfect lives—we will make mistakes, and what we need is a means of restoring broken communication and broken relationships, and learning to forgive is how it is best done.

Often families identify a problem member of the family as the “real problem,” such as a rebellious adolescent or depressed mom, but in a family everyone is part of the problem. If I had a bicycle repair shop and someone brought me a broken spoke and asked me to fix the bicycle, I would respond by asking where the bike is. Families often do this as they focus on one member of the family as the problem and are often completely oblivious to the fact that the problem involves all the family.

When families avoid talking about problems, they create more problems—deeper problems. When they tackle, head on, any problem, whether it is a bad attitude, or out of control emotions, they are helping everyone in the family bring clarity out of confusion.

When families avoid talking about issues they have, they are allowing the problems to get bigger, but they are also failing to equip the children with the needed skills to solve their own problems. When we observe a problem in our children or ourselves, we must talk about it, regardless of whether they want to talk about it or not. This is always difficult when a family is not used to talking out their problems. The more they talk and seek resolution, the more accustomed the family becomes to solving problems, and this is what every child needs to see as they grow up.