Respect

 

From time to time, I meet with teenagers to talk about their problems or behavior. They often sit slumped in their seat and with their head down. They may mumble when they talk, making it hard to hear their words. However, knowing something of the home they come from, I understand they have not been taught the principle of respect. They have not learned to respect their parents, and consequently, they do not respect others. It doesn’t take long to realize that this person I am talking to does not know the meaning of respect.

Respect is a small thing that makes a big difference. We all want people to respect us, but they rarely will unless they have seen respect in us. Children learn how to control their emotions from their parents, which is part of being respectful. They can learn to share and communicate with respect from a very early age. If parents have valued their feelings and taught them to value another person’s feelings, they will respect others by listening to them.

Children will learn to tolerate negative emotions, such as being patient with another person who is upset or angry if they have seen their parents do so. If they have felt their impatience and disregard for their feelings and desires, they will do the same with their peers. On the other hand, they will follow a better pattern if they have seen patience modeled and respect demonstrated.

Respect is the esteem for the inherent worth of a person. Respect is the proper way to treat people, and it doesn’t come naturally. Disrespect seems to be more natural. We have to be taught how to be respectful to others—including our parents and those in authority.

Respect is honoring others—beginning with our parents. Without respect, conflict happens before we know it. Conflict can be aggressive or passive, but it always brings confusion. When parents fail to show respect, children are left in bewilderment, causing them to disrespect their parents and others. Essentially, how they grow up treating each other is how they will treat their future spouses.

One of the reasons families don’t resolve conflict and cannot transform negative emotions into positive ones is because their words and feelings are not framed in respect. Just as a river needs banks to keep the water inside, the family needs a respectful and constructive way of sharing negative emotions. Respect is where each family member is affirmed and given a unique acceptance of their differences and likenesses. Children introduced to the concept of respect will have a much better chance of building respectful relationships in life.

Holding Hands

 

Psalm twenty-three presents us with a picture of God’s love and care for us in the image of a Good Shepherd. David says, “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever” (Ps 23:5-6).

We get the impression that David has been fleeing his enemies and just arrived at the encampment of friends. Now half-starved, he finds a table bountifully set before him. His host’s hospitality is reflected in the act of pouring oil upon his head to refresh him. It is a scene of relief and security.

When I was a teenager, my father, brother, and I had been working in the fields well before dawn when my mother showed up and set the table before us on the hood of one of the trucks. She served us grape juice and boiled eggs. It was a feast to behold for us.

Instead of being chased by enemies, David is pursued by goodness and kindness. What a beautiful pursuit to have goodness and kindness following you everywhere you go. David concludes this psalm with: “And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever,” emphasizing that this relationship with his shepherd is eternal and will never end.

In John chapter 10, Jesus used the illustration of the Good Shepherd to help us understand how safe we are in his care: “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” (John 10:27-30).

 Did you notice the part about “no one will snatch them out of my hand? Small children delight in the parent holding their hand. Recently, my granddaughter Madelyn was in my office playing store. She sold me everything in sight. I think her price index must have been connected to the national inflation rate because she charged me $60 for a hamburger and coke. I told her that was kind of high, but she responded, “It is a really good burger.” Later, she said we just got a shipment of new books in if you would like one. She then showed me one of my books on Responsive Parenting with the picture of a dad holding his little son’s hand. I asked her, “What is the book about?” She replied, “It’s about learning to hold hands.” I have been thinking about it, and that is not bad. For some families learning how to hold hands would be a giant step toward improving their family relationships.

This is what Psalm 23 is speaking to us. It’s about Jesus holding our hand and walking with us through the dark places of our life. Jesus’s hand is wrapped around ours, and the Father’s hand is wrapped around both hands to be doubly safe. Our safety depends not on our immature, futile grip upon him but his hold on us.

A Picture of Contentment

The whole world is looking for happiness! The search is worldwide. Constantly, we are bombarded with messages from someone announcing that they have found happiness, and you can have it too. It might be a vacation in the Caribbean or a new car, or even a makeover. The truth is that these things and a million more like them will not bring us happiness. Any lasting contentment we find in life comes from being in an authentic relationship with someone we love, and they love us. The problem is that authentic relationships are hard to come by. Jesus, however, promises that genuine relationship with him.

Christ gives us life and life filled with contentment—the very thing we long for so deeply. He describes it for us in a beautiful picture, with him being the shepherd and us being his sheep. He says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). The thief is the allusion to happiness that says let me into your life, and I will make you happy, but he only comes to bring pain.

This contentment is what the world is looking for and cannot find. Jesus is the source of the life we want—a full life. It is the purpose and meaning of life, and it comes through our relationship with the Good Shepherd! He leads us to green pastures and away from danger, and he makes us lie down when we need to rest. He leads us to the still waters. How do we qualify for this shepherd? Is he looking for the smart ones or the attractive ones? No, just those who will follow him and accept him as their shepherd. It really is that simple!