Kids & Parents

The Apostle Paul tells parents not to exasperate their kids: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Literally, it means not to provoke your children into anger. Parents can do that in several ways.  Parents can be unreasonable. Some parents ask things beyond the child’s capability or make demands that frustration becomes inevitable. When children relate their acceptance to their performance, they develop problems. If they are compared with others, their self-esteem will be stunted. Having perfectionistic parents is unreasonable because a child will never be able to meet the parents’ expectations.

Critical parents who find fault can also exasperate their children. When your child feels loved and unconditionally accepted for being himself, regardless of how he measures up to external standards, he will have less defensive behavior. However, suppose your child experiences only conditional acceptance and feels compelled to measure up. In that case, he will have a fragile self-esteem. The low self-esteem will affect his thinking and undermine his self-confidence.

If disappointed with your child, you may react by withholding affection. She views your actions as highlighting her worthlessness. On the other hand, if you state that you are disappointed in her behavior but affirm your love for her, she will feel secure. Every child desperately needs to know that consequences for unacceptable behavior are necessary. Still, her behavior will never diminish your unconditional love.

Parents can exasperate their children by neglecting them. Never was a child more neglected than Absalom. He wanted his father’s attention and approval but never got it. Absalom had fled from home after he killed his older brother Amnon for raping his sister. David never dealt with the situation but neglected it. Absalom was asked to come home after several years, hoping to see his father, but it still did not happen. Not until he set General Joab’s field on fire did he get someone’s attention. Then, he finally got to see his father. Neglect makes kids set fires emotionally and every other way.

If we will raise our children in God’s way, we must recognize humanity’s inherent sinfulness. Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The world tells us that we are good and that human nature is improving, which is the exact opposite of what the scriptures teach. The Bible says that our nature, left alone, is beyond cure. The world tells us that all you need to do to raise good, obedient children is build their self-esteem—this is your number one task of parenting. That is important, but it must be built with discipline and respect—respect for you, the parent, and respect for God.

 Bob Russell writes about his mother: 

When I was a teenager my mother had a rule: Don't ever bring your girlfriend to our house when no one is here. And I'd always say, "Mom, why? Don't you trust me?" And she always had the same standard answer. "No. That's too much temptation." She did not say, "It looks bad to other people. I don't trust her; I do trust you." She said, "No, that's too much temptation." I would act like I was really hurt. My own mother doesn't trust me. That's terrible. I'd walk away and deep inside I would think, My mother's pretty sharp. She knows what I'm thinking. My mother believed in the sin nature--that it needed to be restrained more than my self-esteem needed to be boosted. Otherwise maybe I wouldn't be here today.[i]

 

[i] Bob Russell, When Teens Rebel, Preaching Today Tap #207.

Making The Most of Every Opportunity

Time is a funny thing. When we are young, we think time is so long in coming. We give birthdays in half a year because we can’t wait to get older. As teenagers, we want to be a little older, drive, and have adult privileges. Then, as young adults, we step on the time conveyor, which always puts us in a hurry. We have to work a little harder to make more money. As time moves along, we can’t get enough time. We feel we are always stuck somewhere—in traffic, waiting for the light to turn green or waiting for the water to boil. Then, before we know it, we start to see the end of our time and wonder where it went.

We have become like the Queen, who informed the inhabitants of Wonderland to run very fast to get anywhere: “It takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.”

The Apostle Paul talks to us about our time. He exhorts us to be good stewards of our time and see that we spend it wisely, not foolishly wasting it away. “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is” (Ephesians 5: 15-17).

Not too long ago, I was in the drive-thru at McDonald’s when a lady cut in front of me. Then, I noticed a Christian sticker on her car. I think she felt bad about what she did, and maybe she remembered her sticker because she bought my order and waved. I wish I had bought more than coffee.

Charles Swindoll read a story about an 83-year-old man in the drive-thru waiting in line. A lady behind must have thought his order was taking too long because she started blowing her horn. “When I got to the window, I paid for her order, too.” After the cashier told her what I did, she started waving and mouthing, “Thank you!” When I got to the receiving window, I took both orders, making her start the queue all over again. Moral of the story: Be careful how you treat older people!

What Paul tells us literally means, buying up the time because the days are evil, and time is fleeting. As Christians, we must purposely engage in buying them back from the use of self if our lives are going to amount to anything. Becoming aware of how fragile our lives are and how short the time we have left is a powerful motivation to make our remaining days count. We can only do that if we allow God to give us the knowledge and wisdom needed to live life.

You Are Light

The Apostle Paul told the Ephesians, “You Are Light In The Lord” (Ephesians 5:8). Our light is generated by the Sun but reflected by the moon. It does not originate with the moon, but the moon spreads the sun’s light. This is what happens to those who are in Christ. You come out of darkness and receive that light that comes from the Son. You begin to reflect Christ in your life to a dark world.

Paul instructs us, “Live as children of light  (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord” (Eph 5:8-10).

Corrie ten Boom, a survivor of Auschwitz, shares an experience where her father’s character shared the light with a customer. It was during hard times when the family was in financial need. A wealthy customer came in and purchased a costly watch. However, as her father was closing the deal, the customer mentioned that he tried to get his old watch repaired by Mr. Ten Boom’s young competitor, but he couldn’t fix the fine old watch. Corrie’s father asked to see it, opened it, made a slight adjustment, and handed it back, saying, “There, that was a tiny mistake. It will be fine now. Contact me if you ever have a problem with one of his watches. Now I shall give you back your money, and you return my watch.” Corrie immediately asked her father how he could turn that purchase down when they were so needy. Her father responded, “Corrie, what do you think that young man would have thought when he heard that one of his customers had gone to Mr. Ten Boom? We must honor the name of the Lord at all times and in all ways. As for the money, we will trust the Lord, Corrie. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He will take care of us.”

If we want to shine for Christ, we must be with him just as Peter and John did.  When they were on trial before the Sanhedrin, they responded in such a way that the Sanhedrin had this reaction: “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished, and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13).

A man brought his wife a matchbox that would glow in the dark. After giving it to her she turned out the light, but the matchbox could not be seen. Disappointed, she began looking at it to see if something was wrong. Then the wife noticed some tiny words on the box: “If you want me to shine in the night, keep me in the light.” So it is with us, “If you want to shine in the night, keep in the light of Christ.”