One Messed up Family

As I look at Jacob’s family, the third patriarch who fathered the twelve tribes of Israel, I am stunned at how messed up his family was—forced to flee for his life because Jacob had cheated his brother and father. He wound up under the influence of his uncle Laban, even more of a scoundrel than Jacob. His uncle obligated him to serve for seven years for a wife—Rachael, but when the wedding came, he gave him Leah, Rachael’s older sister, who masqueraded as her sister. So much of Jacob’s scheming and deceitfulness came back to him in these years.

Jacob and his two wives, Leah and Rachael, were very adept at scheming themselves. The births of their children and those of their handmaids were opportunities to hurt each other. They celebrated at the expense of the other and to put each other down. This dysfunctional family during these early years was building negative patterns of interaction that would live on in their children.

But what is so amazing is that God used this dysfunctional family to form the twelve tribes of Israel. The family started with Rachael being the most loved wife and Leah, not so much. This produces strife and untold misery. Leah’s hopes for love and with the birth of her first son, Rueben, she thinks, perhaps now her husband will love her. That, however, was not to be. Leah keeps having sons longing for her husband’s love while all the while, barren Rachel felt increasingly diminished by her sister’s successes.

The story of Leah and Rachel, Jacob’s two wives, is one of two desperate women. They both want what the other has. Rachael’s cry is to have children while Leah cries to be loved. Rachel has the love of her husband, while Leah has children. Leah’s pathetic cry is to be loved (Gen 29:32). We were all made to be loved and connected to other human beings. Marriage is that extraordinary place where we can experience love to a higher degree than any other relationship. However, if we are not loved—we will feel pain not equal to any other. In this pathological family, Jacob could not love two women with the same intensity. God did not make him that way. Only in a marriage where a man and woman are fully committed to each other and are willing to learn to love each other will this need be met.

Rachel and Leah have a bitter exchange about mandrake fruit (Gen 30:14-16), which they believe will enhance sexual fertility. The conversation that bargains Jacob for the fruit shows the extent to which this family had sunk. All polygamous and polyamorous relationships arrive at this point sooner or later. Once multiple people have entered into this kind of relationship, it will evolve into the sewer of shame and spite. We were made for fidelity, and the human heart rebels against infidelity no matter what lies they have told themselves. In all my years of counseling couples—I have yet to see one couple that did not intensely desire fidelity—the very kind of faithfulness that God gives us through marriage.

If God can use Jacob’s family as messed up as it was—he can use you with all your flaws. God’s grace is the most amazing thing.

Relentless Grace

Jacob is one Biblical character that can inspire us because he had so many flaws, and yet God used him greatly. The name Jacob means heel-grabber and schemer, and he lived up to his name. He cheated his brother Esau out of his birthright and his blessing. Jacob deceived both his father and his brother in an attempt to help God fulfill his plan for his life. The results of these actions incurred the wrath of his brother, who boasted of killing Jacob. He said he would wait until his father Isaac was dead, and then he would enjoy getting rid of his scheming brother.

Jacob fled from his father and mother to the land of his grandfather Abraham. It was his mother, Rebekah’s idea, to get him away and to get him a wife. Jacob had to make a long and difficult journey while dealing with the guilt and stupidity of his deceitful actions. He was miserable.  Jacob was now profoundly alone. He had no one to talk to, and he was in a dark wasteland full of danger. His loneliness was agonizing. Exhausted and full of despair, Jacob chose a stone pillow and fell asleep.

Jacob drifted off into fitful sleep as he pondered the mess he had made out of his life. He was running away from the people he loved. What would happen to him? As he fell asleep, he dreamed about a ladder that extended from the earth into heaven.  It was a ladder with angels. The angels were moving up and down the ladder, and there at the top of the ladder was God. God was communicating to Jacob that He was directing everything. Even though Jacob was unaware of it, there was heavenly activity in this desolate place on Jacob’s behalf. If we could see what Jacob saw that night, we too would see the sovereign hand of God directing heaven’s angels on our behalf (Gen 28:12-14).

God said to Jacob, “I will be with you, and that means my emissaries will be with you” (Gen 28:15).  I will be with you wherever you go, even on this long journey. I will be there in the land where you are going, and then I will bring you back. What a promise! What a God! What is so amazing about this encounter is that Jacob was not pursuing God. On the contrary, he was fleeing the consequences of his deceptive actions and stupidity. He never deserved an encounter with God, but God found him. It was relentless grace that pursued him in his loneliness. We need God’s grace more than anything in life. The wonderful thing is that God is pursuing us to tell us how much he loves us. John Newton’s hymn Amazing Grace expresses that thought:

Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found

T’was blind but now I see

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snares

We have already come.

T’was grace that brought us safe thus far And grace will lead us home,

(Parenting with a Long View)  https://boydbrooks.com/