One of the most important things
children can learn from their fathers is to love their mother. Just think about
it for a moment; which home would you like to grow up in--one where your father
criticizes and ridicules your mother, sending her into depression and
resentment or one where your father praises and affirms your mother, causing
her to flourish? The difference between the two homes is night and day.
Solomon said of the virtuous wife and
mother, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he
praises her…” (Proverbs 31:28). This woman is described as smart, beautiful,
hardworking, kind and strong. She is comfortable being a woman, brings delight
to the home, and her husband cherishes her.
Men, I would like to address you for a
few moments. The word “husband” is related to the word “husbandry,” which
denotes cultivation. A good husband cultivates positive qualities in his wife
by praising her. He does this freely and in the company of his children. He
doesn’t browbeat his wife or put her down with insults and hurtful remarks.
That’s not a strong husband—that is a petty man. This is a beautiful picture of
genuine praise. What a difference there is in the home where the man sets the
tone by literally affirming his wife with spontaneous praise. This wife and
mother blossoms in this environment, and this man and his family are the richer
for it.
Dads, our children will learn and
imitate the role of husband and father we portray. Never think that your
silence or resentment against your wife will not affect your children. It will
in so many ways, but here is the good news—so will your praise of your wife and
family. Not only will this attitude transform your home, but it will also prepare
your sons and daughters for their future roles as spouses and parents.
Perhaps you grew up in a home where your
father didn’t praise your mother. In fact, he put her down, and you find
yourself doing the same thing. You can change that. You can stop that cycle.
You can start a new trend in your family. Maybe your family wasn’t very
affectionate and didn’t affirm each other openly. Don’t let that stop you from
doing what you need to do today. Stop blaming your past. Look at your wife and
your kids as your greatest treasure on this earth and praise them. Make them
feel as if your home is a castle and they are royalty.
As a counselor, I meet with families
each week, and I have observed a few things. We all have set patterns of
thinking and behaving. Many of those patterns are negative and
counter-productive. Whatever patterns we have formed in our lives we hold on to
dearly. Change comes hard for people. Men, this pattern of praising your wife
is worth attaining—no matter how hard it is to implement. Do whatever is
necessary to learn it. Make whatever changes are needed. Go to counseling. Find
out why you are the way you are. Once you have experienced what it is like to
have a home filled with praise and affirmation as opposed to negativism, you
will never go back. Praise inspires, encourages and motivates growth and
industry, while criticism and ridicule squelch growth and diminish confidence.
My prayer for your home is that it will be like this:
Proverbs 31:28
“Her children arise and call her
blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:”
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