What so many
people long for, but never find, is emotional intimacy. They search and search
but always come up short. They dive into relationships and experience physical
and even sexual intimacy, but emotional intimacy—what their hearts long for,
never happens. No matter how many relationships, it eludes them.
Emotional
intimacy doesn’t happen on its own. Oh, it might happen for a short while—what
I call roller coaster intimacy. It can be what some people experience on an
intense vacation or spending spree, but, that is not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about experiencing a close emotional connection with someone over
many years.
That only
happens when two people really love each other and are willing to guard that
intimacy. They make sure their words are not stones that inflict wounds on each
other. They keep their promises no matter how hard it is. They hold on to the
intimacy even when it feels like it’s gone—and amazingly it comes back.
Whenever they find confusion in their relationship, they talk it out no matter
how hard it seems. They guard this intimacy with mutual honesty, respect, and
honor. They share a deep, authentic faith in God and acknowledge that what they
have is a gift from him. They cherish each other and what they have because
they have learned to treasure their emotional intimacy. The following story
illustrates this kind of intimacy.
A book called A Promise Kept is the story of Robertson McQuilkin, a former missionary and seminary president who
gave up his post because his wife Muriel had Alzheimer’s disease. He decided to
dedicate himself full time for as long as the Lord deemed necessary to take
care of his wife.
He wrote of traveling
with his wife: Once our flight was delayed in Atlanta and we had to wait a couple of hours.
Now that’s a challenge. Every few minutes we’d take a fast-paced walk down the
terminal in earnest search of what? Muriel had always been a speed walker. I
had to jog to keep up with her.
An attractive woman executive type sat across from
us, working diligently on her computer. Once when we returned from an excursion
she said something without looking up from her papers. Since no one else was
nearby I assumed she had spoken to me, or at least mumbled in protest of our
constant activity. “Pardon?” I asked. “Oh,” she said, “I was just was asking
myself, “Will I ever find a man to love me like that?”
McQuilkin answered the woman,
“Oh yes, you can find a man like that, because I’ve found a man like that. The
only reason I love my wife the way you see me loving her is because the man
Jesus first loved me. The resources I have to draw upon to love my wife the way
I do are the resources he gives me. Mirrored in my relationship here with my
wife you can see the faithful love of God for me.”[1]
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