The Wonder of Relationship

The wonder of life—what is it, and how do we keep it? When children are little, they are in a constant state of wonder. The world is a place of discovery in which they are continually looking, touching, tasting, and exploring their new world. Very gradually, however, the wonder is squeezed out of life as we get older. When it comes to guarding the wonder of our faith, that is something we have to be vigilant about. We must fight to maintain the awe for life and for God.

This wonder is the ability to appreciate beauty and creativity. It means to live with all your senses open and ready to take in the wonder around you. I love the word “awe,” and I am referring to living in awe of God, prepared to experience what God has for us each day. This awe and wonder come to us through the incredible gift of relationship. First, we establish our relationship with God. The Bible sums it up like this: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline” (Prov 1:7). As we learn to fear God, we learn his significance and, subsequently, our importance in this world. Then we learn how to relate to others.

This fear of God keeps us from becoming presumptuous. It keeps God the priority of our lives. Through our relationship with God, we learn to appreciate our gifts and accept that we are original. God only made one of a kind. The fear of God opens our mind to learn something every day. We become aware of what is right and what is wrong. The fear of God gives us the courage to fight for what is right and reject what is wrong.

Most of all, our relationship with God gives us the power to forgive. Learning how to forgive and keep on forgiving is the glue that makes our human relationships work. When you meet a person who is isolated and very untrusting, you have met someone who has lost the ability to forgive. When we refuse to forgive, we close the doors and windows to that wonder of relationship. Life gets smaller and dreadful.

God doesn’t want us to stop savoring the wonder of life. Most of that will come through the people in our lives. Because we know and fear him, he helps us to develop genuine relationships with people that bring us the wonder of relationship.

Who Is Invited to the Table?

Jesus told his disciples that there would be an extraordinary banquet in heaven one day. The people who would be seated at the table would come from the east and the west (Matt 8:11). The disciples pondered who would be invited to that feast. They had assumed it would only be the people of Israel, but Jesus made this comment when he was speaking to a Roman soldier, leaving them in doubt.

Not long after this, Jesus took his disciples on a missions trip. They traveled from Gennesaret to Tyre, some 35 miles, and then on to Sidon, another 25 miles. They were now out of Israel and among Gentile people. Soon, a Canaanite woman appeared and followed them crying out for help. The disciples held deep-seated prejudices against these people. Jesus had come to this place to help them confront those sinful attitudes.

The woman begged Jesus to heal her demon-possessed daughter who was suffering terribly. Jesus did not respond to her at all. If the woman had not been persistent, she would have turned away, but she did not give up or allow herself to be offended by the delay (Matt 15:22-28). Jesus' disciples urged him to send her away because, to them, she was an annoyance. Jesus finally answered the woman saying that he had been sent to the lost sheep of Israel.

The woman only intensified her plea for help by kneeling in front of Jesus and asking for help. Jesus responded that it was not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs. The disciples would undoubtedly have liked these words. Nevertheless, if they thought Jesus agreed with them, they were wrong. He was only testing the woman and his disciples.

The woman had a remarkable response, "Yes, Lord," she said, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table" (Matt 15:27). Jesus was forcing his disciples to face themselves. Those long-accepted prejudices seemed fine, but now as they looked at this woman, they had to feel her need and their lack of compassion for her. If the woman's response was a surprise, then Jesus' response was even more of a surprise, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour (Matt 15:28).

Jesus was clearly saying to his disciples that this woman belongs at the table. In fact, anyone who comes and embraces me and repents of their sin belongs at the table. This new way of thinking would not be easy for the disciples to learn, but little by little, it began to sink in. Prejudices are ugly, and they lie hidden, but Jesus exposed them so the disciples could overcome them. We need his help to overcome our prejudices and comprehend that the invitation to sit at Jesus' table is open to everyone!

What Marriage Was Meant to Be

In my many years of counseling couples, I have seen my share of dysfunctional marriages. After I have heard the story of what is wrong with the marriage from the husband and wife—I try to chart a course toward healing. Every couple that comes to counseling comes with hurt, and from that hurt they have built up resentment toward each other. They have stopped forgiving and reaching out in love and have chosen to live in a critical environment of contempt.  Instead of living in an atmosphere of love and forgiveness, they survive in the barren wasteland of resentment and bitterness.

This bitter cycle of dysfunction compels them to be stingy with their love and drag those grudges around every day. They tear each other down in constant strife and discord. They both are sick to death of each other and do not enjoy living together. Their children are being exposed to dangerous elements of conflict that are setting the tone for their future.

Marriage was meant to be two people living together in harmony. They know they are both flawed, so they are willing to forgive each other. They show kindness in little ways that bring happiness to both of them. When one suffers—the other shares that suffering. When one experiences joy, the other shares that pleasure; they both find ways to build each other up and encourage each other. When one is wrong, he or she does not keep track of the wrong but continues to hope for the best for the other. When a marriage works, it is the most significant relationship on the face of the earth. It produces mutual satisfaction and companionship. When it doesn’t work, it is a sad place to be. The work and effort to turn a broken marriage around is difficult, and most of all, it requires work and effort. Each person has to be willing to look at himself or herself and see what they need to change. Each has to be ready to listen to the other and see past their agenda. God is more than willing to help couples find happiness in marriage, but they have to ask for his help and then persevere in the quest to change from bad to better. The journey from a bad marriage to a good marriage is worth the journey!

Taking Time Off

After finishing 20 years here at People’s Church, the Board of Deacons offered Marilyn and me a month-long sabbatical. We are just back from that time off and are so grateful for the chance to getaway. We drove to California, and though it is a long drive, we always enjoy the opportunity to see the handiwork of the creator on the journey. This time away allowed us to be with Marilyn’s mother and stepfather and to be able to help them in ways we cannot normally do. We spent time with them and took them to their appointments and fixed things up around their house. We also had the opportunity to spend the weekends with our daughter, Carin, her husband Richard, and our two California grandkids, Caitlin and Donovan. Since we only get to see everyone in California maybe once a year, this was a real privilege. We also had the opportunity to make a quick trip to the coast and have some of the best fish and chips.

Our trip to the San Joaquin Valley coincided with harvest time.  We saw almonds, pistachios, grapes, and raisins being harvested everywhere. The cotton was only a few weeks away from its harvest. Seeing these harvests is a sight to behold, and it brings back a lot of memories.

We returned through the Rockies and saw beautiful sights in Utah and Colorado. The fall colors in the Rockies were breathtaking. We spent some time in Colorado Springs where Marilyn’s sister Ginny lives. It’s a beautiful city that has a daily view of Pike’s Peak.

As I reflect on the time off, I can see the value in unplugging from the daily routine. I am grateful for all the little ways that God brings joy to our lives. Sometimes we miss the enjoyment of the little moments because we are looking for the big ones. Our time off had very few big moments but was filled with lots of the little moments that brought us so much joy.