Self-Control, The Foundation of Maturity

Self-control is the most critical aspect of our character. All the other fruits of the Spirit, like love, joy, peace, kindness, and goodness, depend on self-control. This is essential for mature development in our lives and in our children. Obviously, if we don’t possess self-control, it’s hard to teach it to our children. You can’t yell at your kids and tell them to stop yelling. You can’t react in anger to rebuke your child for their anger. The control of our emotions sets the example, and says to the child, “Watch me and do this.” If we want to experience the emotions that bring fulfillment and satisfaction, they will only happen within the boundaries of self-control. Take love, for example:

Love has many facets, as Chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians explains. One of the most important ones is patience. The old English translation of patience is long-suffering. Listening to someone angry, resentful, or hurt is not easy. To do so requires a great deal of patience or suffering. We have to be disciplined enough not to be provoked and, at the same time, not be quick to react in defensive behavior. Our usual reaction is to fight back if we feel attacked, which only escalates the conflict. We are talking about the ability to withstand the frustration of listening to someone who is just as flawed and messed up as we are. Long-suffering or forbearance invites God into the situation, which lessens resentment or anger.

As Solomon wisely said, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools” (Eccl. 7:9). Only a fool is defensive; he will not hear the matter out. Only a fool will respond with accusations before listening to the other person. Solomon also said, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride” (Eccl. 7:8). There will be an abundance of unresolved conflict when there is a deficit of patience and long-suffering. Resolving a matter is better than quitting in the middle with both people extremely upset. We all experience conflict but do not know how to fix it.

Deescalating an argument and resolving the differences that initiated the disagreement are learned skills. These skills take work, especially if the model we grew up with was an unresolved conflict with anger and resentment. What helps us know patience is to ask ourselves, “What can I do to resolve this?” We need to listen and hear what the other person is saying. We must take responsibility for our mistakes, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. We need to keep working on our attitudes.

Living Out of the World’s Suitcase

In the 1980s, my father accompanied me on a trip to speak at a youth camp in Salta, one of the northern provinces of Argentina. We rode a bus to get there with all the luggage stacked on top of the bus. When we arrived in Salta several hours later, my dad's suitcase was not there. He had to live out of my suitcase for the entire camp. It was uncomfortable because he had to wear clothes that didn't fit him. Everyone has their own things they feel most comfortable with, so it was an inconvenience.  In a few days, we returned home, and an interesting thing happened later that week in the city of Tucuman, where we lived. Our neighbor, Mussy, after hearing of our plight with the missing suitcase, noticed in the newspaper that the police had published a notice of a suitcase belonging to Mr. Brooks. We immediately went to the police and surprisingly were able to reclaim the lost suitcase. Even though it had fallen off the bus over 200 miles away, someone had dropped it off in our city.

It's ironic how many people have misplaced or lost their God-given suitcases. They are living life out of someone else's suitcase. They are impressed with someone else's talent, skill, or beauty and try to be somebody else. How much better to find your own bag of skills, talents, and personality and use what God has given you for his glory. Only when we are who we were meant to be will we be content. Worse than that is trying to wear the world's clothes when we follow Christ. Paul wrote to the Ephesians about putting off the clothes that belong to this world and putting on the clothes that the Spirit gives us.

The greatest work of the Spirit is to produce the fruits in our lives. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). The Holy Spirit is involved in our progress by allowing him to grow those fruits. The Holy Spirit rejoices or grieves over us (Ephesians 4:30). Paul encourages the Ephesians to stop lying, control their anger, don’t steal, but work instead and stop speaking unwholesome talk (Eph 4:24-30). This is the world suitcase. It is easy to lie, get angry, steal, and talk with profane words. Paul encourages us to throw these clothes away and "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph 4:32).

When my first granddaughter was very small, we used to go to Jeff City occasionally to take care of her for a few hours. We were doing that one day, but she never wanted anything to do with me, just her grandma. Of course, that was challenging to take, but I was determined to win her over. On this occasion, Marilyn was in the bathroom, blow-drying her hair. Adela was outside the door crying for her, but Grandma couldn't hear her. Finally, Adela got tired and approached me with her arms wide open as if to say, " OK, I don't have any other options. I took her in my arms; that is where she has been ever since. Forgiveness can feel like that sometimes. We resist and resist until we finally give in, and then we realize that is what we needed all the time.

Changing Clothes

There is a worldwide fascination with fashion. Magazines and papers tell us what the rich and famous wear and how much they cost. One Gucci and Chanel outfit can cost $100,000. The most expensive dress in the world is valued at $30 million. People make fashion statements with their wardrobes, and thousands of others try to imitate them. However, these earthly garments are not the most valuable clothes in the world.

The Apostle Paul talks to the Ephesians and us about their clothes, not the ones on their bodies, but the ones on their souls. In this passage, Paul tells us what we need to put off and what to put on. It is the Wardrobe of the Redeemed. The Apostle tells them before they knew Christ, their hearts were hard and dead toward God, and because of that, they “indulged kind of impurity, and they are full of greed” (Ephesians 4:17-19). This a chilling description of how ugly we can be without Christ.

Not everyone sinks to the depths of depravity mentioned here. Yet, this is a valid picture of our world in general. Ask yourself, how was it possible for the atrocities to have been committed against children and babies in Israel on Oct 7, 2023? All lives without Christ are dominated by sin. Today’s movies, video games, and internet porn confirm the same truths about our world: hardness—darkness---deadness all lead to unrestrained sinfulness.

Paul urges the Ephesians to “put off your old self” (Eph 4:22). Our growing up demands we “put away” some things while putting on others. Paul says the first obvious change is the attitude, “to be made new in the attitude of your minds” (Eph 4:23). Isn’t it amazing that attitude is the window into our soul. It tells the world how we think and view everything.

It is hard to put off old habits and attitudes because we have long had them. Many of them we grew up with and learned from our parents. But that doesn’t mean we have to live them our entire lives. We can change, and God is willing and able to help us. This is the work of the Spirit to help us change our clothes. We have to shed our old habits every day whenever they pop up. Many Christians stumble because they don’t do this daily. If we want to wear the Redeemed Wardrobe, we must shed the old and put on the new.

Here is an example of what that wardrobe looks like: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” Galatians 5:22-23).

 

 

Maturity is the Goal

Maturity changes our lives for the better. It keeps us from being petty and making decisions based on faulty information. The Apostle Paul urged the Ephesians to pursue maturity because, as mature adults, they would no longer be babies. He said, “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming” (Eph 4:14).

When people are gullible and easily influenced by the latest book, preacher, or fad, they are vulnerable to the wolves, of which plenty are trying to devour the flock. Maturity brings the capacity to evaluate and accept what is good and right and reject what is not.

This is what Paul expressed to the Romans: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Pastor James Hamill used to tell this story about how fickle preachers can be. He said that when he was a kid, he used to have to feed the pigs. When he would dump the corn in their trough, there would invariably be one little pig that would grab one kernel of corn and take off squealing as only a pig can. It was as if the little pig was saying, “Look at me and see what I have.” The other pigs would leave the full trough of corn and follow the squealing pig for the one little kernel of corn. Pastor Hamill would say he has seen the same in the ministry over the years. One little preacher would leave the abundance of God’s Word and take off with one kernel of truth, yelling and screaming that he had found something special. Other preachers would leave the incredible fullness of God’s Truth to follow this little squeaking preacher.

How many pastors and teachers have been guilty of this because they wanted to be popular or because they were too lazy to study God’s Word for themselves? The church needs to be taught the truths of God’s Word so it can mature.

Paul said that mature people speak the truth in love, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Eph 4:15).

A mature church creates an atmosphere where people are inspired to be all they can be for the Lord. That is not easy because we have to self-discipline and work together in unity. This can only be done when people see the goal as belonging to the body of Christ and reflecting his glory.