Grief is God's Gift

 Death terrifies us and leaves us confused; often, it brings guilt, shame, anger, loneliness, and despair. Even when we are expecting death to come—it is still hard, and we feel the same emotions. When it comes suddenly with no warning, we are more stunned and often angry that it caught us off guard and we had no time to prepare for it. So we mourn. We mourn for those we lose. Sometimes, we see our loved one suffer, and we pray that death will bring relief, but when it comes, we still feel lonely, and we weep. We all know death is inevitable for everyone, even for ourselves. Still, we avoid thinking about or talking about death because we don’t know how to come to terms with it.

Death is our enemy. There is no experience greater than death that leaves us feeling helpless. Death brings us tears of loss, separation, and departure. We feel the immediate pain of seeing the empty chair. Death is no respecter of a person. It makes no difference in wealth or poverty, famous or unknown, race or culture—all are affected. If not for the Gospel of Christ, death would leave us all hopeless.

The death of a loved one comes over us like a cloud. It takes our words away. We might even wonder if it is a bad dream, and then we feel the shock of reality that death has stolen our loved one. It is hard to know what to say in the face of death. What do you say to a dying friend or a grieving family that will help them?

At the same time, death is a way of putting things into perspective. We are no longer consumed with petty things. Suddenly, we see our own mortality much more clearly. The good qualities of a person are rarely seen as clearly as they are at their death. At his death, Edwin Stanton, the secretary of War, said of Lincoln: “Now he belongs to the ages.” But most of us are speechless, and it takes some time to think about the qualities and character of the person before we are ready to say anything.

There is nothing normal about death. It is unnatural. Death came to us because of sin: “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned” (Romans 5:12).

First, we enter the stage of denial. Denial, when witnessing death, is a natural defense mechanism that our brains use to protect us from the immediate shock and loss, allowing us to gradually process the reality of what has occurred. What has happened to us is personal and unnatural even though tomorrow, the world goes on as if nothing has happened, and that doesn’t seem right.

Second, we experience the loss. The horror of the tragedy is what was and but now is not. This is the pain of grief. It is a terrible sense of loss. We shall not know the eternal without loss until we are at home with the Lord.

Third, we need to express our emotions with words. The pain is our sense of what we have lost. When we attempt to put our grief into words, whether with a friend or at the funeral. it is proper that we speak about the good that has been lost.  There is no need to pretend that the person was something they were not, but this is the time to focus on the good of their life. That is why we are grieving. Putting our grief into words in this way helps us to understand our sadness by allowing us to see its cause of good that has been lost.

One day, there will be no more death: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4). But until that day comes we need to grieve because it God’s way of helping us heal.

After a long snow and ice storm and freezing temperatures, we all know you have to clean your headlights, or you will have trouble driving at night. That is what grief is. It’s helping you see and understand what you have lost and how to deal with it. It's wiping away the confusion and despair to see your way forward.

As we grieve, it is important for us to remember the good. It is a time to put into words what we have lost and recognize those things that were God’s gift to us. Therefore, we should learn to thank God in our grief.