What Marriage Was Meant to Be

In my many years of counseling couples, I have seen my share of dysfunctional marriages. After I have heard the story of what is wrong with the marriage from the husband and wife—I try to chart a course toward healing. Every couple that comes to counseling comes with hurt, and from that hurt they have built up resentment toward each other. They have stopped forgiving and reaching out in love and have chosen to live in a critical environment of contempt.  Instead of living in an atmosphere of love and forgiveness, they survive in the barren wasteland of resentment and bitterness.

This bitter cycle of dysfunction compels them to be stingy with their love and drag those grudges around every day. They tear each other down in constant strife and discord. They both are sick to death of each other and do not enjoy living together. Their children are being exposed to dangerous elements of conflict that are setting the tone for their future.

Marriage was meant to be two people living together in harmony. They know they are both flawed, so they are willing to forgive each other. They show kindness in little ways that bring happiness to both of them. When one suffers—the other shares that suffering. When one experiences joy, the other shares that pleasure; they both find ways to build each other up and encourage each other. When one is wrong, he or she does not keep track of the wrong but continues to hope for the best for the other. When a marriage works, it is the most significant relationship on the face of the earth. It produces mutual satisfaction and companionship. When it doesn’t work, it is a sad place to be. The work and effort to turn a broken marriage around is difficult, and most of all, it requires work and effort. Each person has to be willing to look at himself or herself and see what they need to change. Each has to be ready to listen to the other and see past their agenda. God is more than willing to help couples find happiness in marriage, but they have to ask for his help and then persevere in the quest to change from bad to better. The journey from a bad marriage to a good marriage is worth the journey!

Taking Time Off

After finishing 20 years here at People’s Church, the Board of Deacons offered Marilyn and me a month-long sabbatical. We are just back from that time off and are so grateful for the chance to getaway. We drove to California, and though it is a long drive, we always enjoy the opportunity to see the handiwork of the creator on the journey. This time away allowed us to be with Marilyn’s mother and stepfather and to be able to help them in ways we cannot normally do. We spent time with them and took them to their appointments and fixed things up around their house. We also had the opportunity to spend the weekends with our daughter, Carin, her husband Richard, and our two California grandkids, Caitlin and Donovan. Since we only get to see everyone in California maybe once a year, this was a real privilege. We also had the opportunity to make a quick trip to the coast and have some of the best fish and chips.

Our trip to the San Joaquin Valley coincided with harvest time.  We saw almonds, pistachios, grapes, and raisins being harvested everywhere. The cotton was only a few weeks away from its harvest. Seeing these harvests is a sight to behold, and it brings back a lot of memories.

We returned through the Rockies and saw beautiful sights in Utah and Colorado. The fall colors in the Rockies were breathtaking. We spent some time in Colorado Springs where Marilyn’s sister Ginny lives. It’s a beautiful city that has a daily view of Pike’s Peak.

As I reflect on the time off, I can see the value in unplugging from the daily routine. I am grateful for all the little ways that God brings joy to our lives. Sometimes we miss the enjoyment of the little moments because we are looking for the big ones. Our time off had very few big moments but was filled with lots of the little moments that brought us so much joy.