A Mirror and a Window

Good marriage counseling should present to the client opportunities to change. First, it should be the opportunity to look in the mirror and see himself, his strengths, and his weaknesses. No person can change his or her spouse. We can only change ourselves. That, however, isn’t easy to learn, but if you do, it will be because you learned to look in the mirror at yourself. If you are not aware of what needs changing and you have no motivation to change, then things will remain the same no matter how much you dislike our life.

 So in most cases, the job of the counselor is to present you with a mirror where you can observe yourself. You may like some of the things you see, but most likely you will also dislike other things you see. This is called insight where you understand that you are being unfair, unreasonable, controlling, impatient, unkind, or uncaring. Since you don’t like what you see, and you want to change. You then ask, “How can I change this?” Now the client is ready to accept strategies that will lead them toward effective change. No change is easy, but all change starts with understanding the need to change, and that starts with the mirror.

 The second aspect of good counseling is the opportunity to look through a window. In this window, you see your spouse in a different way than you have before. You see their pain, their frustration, their fear, their anger, their sadness, their anxiety, their joy, or enthusiasm. The window allows you to see what you missed—what’s never been in your view before. What you see helps you to understand your husband or your wife better. You begin to see the positive aspects of your partner that your anger and resentment obscured from your view. You also see your contribution to the negative emotions in your spouse that you dislike so much. The distorted image of the other person slowly begins to focus.

 When a couple comes to me for counseling, I evaluate how focused they are on changing each other. Most are obsessed with changing the other. You hear it in their complaints. I know if we are going to make progress, they will have to look in the mirror first. If this happens, then their attitudes change, which begins the process of change for both. Often couples have become accustomed to dysfunctional patterns of communication, avoidance, and conflict. When allowed to look through a window and see their spouse, which they have taken for granted, they are surprised at what they see.

 The mirror and the window can only do so much. They can help change the perspective. They can help each person find insight and motivate them to change. They can help clear up the confusion. However, that’s as far as they go. Each person makes a crucial response as to whether they want to change or not. If they persist in blaming their spouse or they allow their hurts to be unforgivable—then no counseling or therapy can help them. The clients have to see where they want to go and determine they are going to make the necessary changes to get there.

It is extremely gratifying for me to see a couple make progress. All the hard work of talking, listening, explaining, and focusing on strategies of change starts to work. Negative emotions give way to positive emotions, and avoidance turns to connection as forgiveness does its work. Walls that have been erected over the years start to come down. The couple that was so far apart and so broken now begins to enjoy each other. They accept what they have rejected and affirm what they criticized. Their mutual enjoyment shines on their faces!

BoydBrooks.com

A Biblical Rationale for Voting

As Christians with a Biblical view, we can make a significant contribution to the election in November by only voting our values. Here are some issues by which to judge the candidates:

Pro-life: First and foremost is our pro-life position of supporting life in the womb. Any candidate that is pro-abortion should be eliminated immediately from consideration! Science confirms what the Bible already told us that life begins in the womb. Secondly, life is also sacred at the end of life and should be protected from any attempt to demean the value of life for our aged population.

Fiscal Accountability: Considering the spending of our Federal, state, and local governments, it appears no one in government knows how to balance a budget. If we have to balance our budgets, why should the government be allowed to spend without limits and continue to add to the national deficit? This means that we should oppose candidates that continually want to spend more money, thus raising taxes. Enough is enough! It’s time to balance the budget on the state and national level!

Security of the Nation: We have every right to expect that our government will protect us from danger from abroad but also maintain law and order in our cities. Any politician that has supported, aided, or appeased the lawlessness in our cities should be voted out of office. We need leaders that will support law enforcement and protect us.

The Courts: We have been given an incredible document called the United States Constitution to guide us as a nation. That document only has force if the courts at all levels appreciate and respect the Constitution. We need judges that will preserve the Constitution and property interpret that document.

Religious Liberty: We have heard the words “Freedom of Worship” over the last ten years, more and more. We, however, are interested in a whole lot more than freedom of worship. We want the freedom to practice our religion everywhere. How many bakers, artists, photographers, florists, and business people have been prohibited from practicing their faith in the workplace? Tyrants in government have prosecuted them for merely practicing their faith.

Marriage and Family: We are hearing less and less today about marriage and family as if it doesn’t matter. Many of our laws financially penalize people when they get married. The nuclear family that is defined as one man and one woman and their children needs to be supported by laws and policies that build up marriage and family. The LBGTQ is fighting to destroy the family as we know it today.

Education: The principal purpose of our educational system is to give basic education to our children and adolescents. The educational system has been high jacked by leftist principles of anti-God, anti-Christian, anti-family, anti-democracy, anti-biological gender. We need people elected to office that will confront the influential teachers’ unions and lobbies who perpetuate these principles that are antithetical to our Biblical beliefs.

Energy & Environment: Leftist views of our environment would utterly destroy our economy. Their draconian controls of our lives would be shocking! God has given the earth to us to dominate and care for it. We must be good stewards, but we are free to use what God has given to us. The Green policies of the left would enslave us to their socialistic forms of government they are obsessed with implementing.