Getting Rid of Bitterness

We all want things to be put right in this world. Even criminals seek vengeance against those who wrong them. The stories that most people like in books and films are those that put things right. The bad guys get caught, and vengeance is taken. However, the Bible says that “vengeance belongs to the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

In the course of our lives, we suffer from the sinfulness of others and ourselves. The resulting desire to hurt someone who has hurt us is inevitable: “That person does not exist anymore to me.” It is a way to punish someone.

Absalom, David’s son, wanted vengeance on his brother, Amnon, for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom devised a plan to throw a grand feast and invite everyone, including his father(2 Samuel 13:24). He seemed to know his father would decline, which was what he counted on.

Absalom was very manipulative. He had learned from his father. It becomes evident in this conversation that he is manipulating the king. The plan was working. He wanted the king to feel uncomfortable at declining his invitation. Absalom gave every impression that he really wanted the king and his servants to come. David wished him well with the feast, but was still unwilling to attend himself.

Now it was time for Absalom to spring his trap. He wanted his brother, the crown prince, to be there. David was reluctant: “Why should he go with you?” (2 Samuel 13:26). Absalom overcame David’s hesitancy by making his invitation to all the king’s sons so that it seemed genuine. David had been fooled in a plan of folly by Amnon, and now it has happened a second time by Absalom.

Absalom gave instructions to his servants to kill his brother when he gave the order. Absalom believes he is meting out justice for the crime his brother committed and for which he was never punished. Amnon had wrecked his sister’s life, and now the time has arrived for him to pay.

The earlier sinful actions of David are reflected in the actions of his sons. As David gave in to his lust which eventually led to murder, so now Amnon’s giving in to his lust led to another murder. David’s boys were contaminated by his sin as we all are by our sinful natures.

David had been aware of what Amnon had done to Tamar; however, he took no action against Amnon. He had been worried about Absalom’s request to send Amnon to his feast, but had been unable to refuse him. Absalom had killed Amnon and then fled. David mourned for Amnon for the rest of his life. David was furious with Absalom, just as he had been with Amnon. However, he did not take action.

Dr. Paul Brand in God’s Forever Feast tells an amazing story. Dr. Richard Dawson learned something significant while serving in the British Army during World War II. Dawson spent some time in a brutal Japanese prison camp. Daily, he watched soldiers dying of treatable illnesses. Most of the diseases and infections came from drinking contaminated water in the rivers and swamps near the camp. A little stomach virus, some dehydration—all perfectly treatable during peacetime—meant certain death in the prison camp.

One day, Dr. Dawson remembered a piece of advice someone once told him: the water of an unripe coconut is almost always sterile. Coconuts grew in abundance around the banks of the swamps. Dr. Dawson began cutting down coconuts and using the water inside as an intravenous fluid for his dehydrated men. Soon, many of the men recovered their health. Dr. Dawson marveled at the fact that those coconuts, full of pure, sterile water, grew beside contaminated swamps and rivers. Evidently, the tree's root system absorbed contaminated water—which was killing the men—and transformed it into something pure and life-giving. 

The cultural water we drink in the world around us tells us to take our vengeance. This was the contaminated water that Absalom was drinking. It made him sick—he believed his only alternative was to murder his brother. He was wrong—God’s alternative was better—forgiveness. Absalom was confused because David took no corrective measures against Amnon. If David had, it might have prevented this terrible tragedy. Still, this only made it worse for Absalom—it fed his hatred. We are told to leave vengeance to the Lord. We have to forgive so we can live. Hatred and bitterness poison the soul and spirit and sap the life out of us.

I recently went to Urgent Care because I had a splinter in a finger, and it became infected. The doctor said I am going to numb your finger with a shot, and it is going to hurt—she wasn’t lying. That, however, was necessary to get the infection out. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to combat the infection. That is what God’s forgiveness is to our spirit. If the infection remains, the problem only gets worse. We need God’s antidote for bitterness and resentment—it is called forgiveness.