The Spirit of Amnon

Children acquire patterns of behavior and attitudes from their parents—some good and some destructive. And since that invariable happens, the faults and failings of parents are prone to show up in their children. Whether they do or not, children will be affected by them in one way or another. This is illustrated in the life of David as his son, Amnon, gravitates to his father’s worst faults.

David had received judgments from God for his sin, though he had been forgiven. The prophet Nathan said, “…the sword will never depart from your house” (2 Samuel 12:10). David had already seen this in the death of his child from Bathsheba. The principle of sowing and reaping was clearly demonstrated in David’s family (Galatians 6:8).

Amnon is David’s eldest son; he is the most obvious candidate to inherit David’s throne. Amnon said that he loved his sister, Tamar, and wanted her. “Loved” was Amnon’s word for what he felt toward Tamar, but he was deluded; there was no love for his sister, only incestuous lust. He did not love her but only wanted to exploit her for his gratification. His desire grew stronger. He was consumed by frustration, so Amnon devised a plan to manipulate everyone involved and find a way to be alone with Tamar.

Amnon had never been taught any restraint, nor had he been taught right from wrong. When parents refuse to restrain their sons and daughters, they are creating in them the spirit of Amnon. When parents do not teach right from wrong, they are sowing the seeds of destruction.

Amnon manipulated his father into allowing his sister to come to his house and cook for him. He planned to rape her. His father was complicit since he was so disconnected from his son.

Tamar was unaware of what was going on in Amnon’s mind. When Amnon commanded her to come to bed with him, she protested, “Don’t do it, Amnon.” It is wicked! It is wrong, Amnon! Think about the effect on me! What will be the impact on you? You will erase your reputation in one day, and you will be known as a fool.”

What is so shocking is that as soon as Amnon had his gratification, he hated her more than he loved her (2 Samuel 13:15). Amnon’s “love” suddenly became hate through the sexual violation.  The selfishness of his violation of Tamar had revealed his delusion that he “loved” her. He could not bear to have her in his presence any longer. To see her was to see his own shame and guilt. He commanded a servant to cast her out and bolt the door.

Can you imagine how hard this must have been for the servant to put the king’s daughter outside against her will? What a terrible position to put this servant in the middle of this horrible mess.

A daughter needs her father’s protection and affirmation. It was missing in Tamar’s life. David was passive in his relationships with his children, giving them everything they wanted but not everything they needed. It is clear that he failed to provide protection and affirmation to Tamar, and he also did not offer guidance and direction to his sons.

This was a terrible thing that happened—a brother raped his sister, and all David does is get mad (2 Samuel 13:21). He doesn’t comfort Tamar, he doesn’t discipline Amnon. He doesn’t even talk to him. This is part of the reason that Absalom gets so angry and waits for an opportunity to kill his brother, because this situation was ignored.

Fathers and mothers, if you care for your children, then guard your own integrity. Look at how the sinfulness of David seems to have produced a weakness in him. It has left him powerless to refrain his sons from their evil choices.

Parents, you are not being a good parent when you give your child everything they want. You think you are, but you are not. Your child needs to understand that you are the parent and hold authority. Sometimes you will say yes, and sometimes you will say no. If you let the child decide what you are doing or not doing, you will only be creating the spirit of Amnon. You don’t have to be mean; in fact, you should always be loving and kind, but you should be in control of your children when you are raising them.